Boy with the bread, Girl with the Bow
by Cheynee
Summary: Filling in the gaps from the end of mockingjay til Epilogue. Love, lies and loyalty.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone, just had the urge to write this. I found it so hard to swallow that Katniss and Gale would have such an abrupt goodbye with no closure and that there was no exploring her and Peeta finding each other again so this is my little version of that. Hope you enjoy it

"The stars are bright tonight,"

I jump and whirl around on instinct my knife raised automatically.

Peeta's eyes dilate and he curls into himself at my aggressive response and I have to curse myself, yet again for doing nothing to ease his recovery.

I lower the knife and tuck it behind me into my waistband, raising my hands in a placating way.

"Sorry it's just…habit I guess."

His eyes are still clenched tight but he nods. "I'm sorry I frightened you."

"There's nothing for you to apologise for Peeta,"

He opens his eyes and there's a brutal honesty in his gaze. "I will never run out of things to be sorry for Katniss."

I sigh and turn back to the sky which is in fact quite clear tonight. Ironic, since my thoughts are so clouded.

"Come back to me," he whispers.

I turn to face him. "Sorry?"

"You're trapped up in your head, I can see it. Do you want to talk about it?"

Yes. No. Maybe. Not with you. Not with anyone that's here anymore.

He smiles softly, understanding my conflict. I'm sure he's very familiar with arguing with voices in his head.

"You've been up a lot the past few nights," he muses. "You should really be resting."

"How do you know?" I accuse.

"Because I'm up just as much if not more," he replies simply.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" I shoot.

He shrugs. "I lose myself in my sleep. My identity slips away and all I'm left with is blood…so much blood all around me, in my eyes, my mouth, dripping down my hands…"

I shudder. I can't listen to this. My nightmares are bad enough. I'm too weak to take on his too.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" he asks quietly.

Tomorrow. The trains arrive tomorrow with fresh supplies and people to fill District twelve. The noise, the laughter and the constant sense of what has been lost suffocates me.

I hate when the trains arrive because I know my mother will never be on them nor anyone else I may have cared about.

"I don't like the noise," I say finally.

He eyes me and we both know that's only part of it but as usual with us we sit in a silence of words we will never say.

"I miss them," he says quietly.

"Your family?" I ask.

"The boy with the bread and the girl with the bow," he says.

This little omission nearly breaks me.

"You still have your bread, and I still have my bow," I point out.

"Different people holding them."

I sigh and turn back to the stars. "I wake in the night and come here to watch the stars because I like to think maybe they're watching too. Finnick, Cinna, Boggs, Portia…and…"

I break off and cover my mouth, shocked at my own words.

"I think they'd be watching _you_ Katniss. That's what I imagine when the mornings are hard and I can't seem to shake myself from the darkness. I imagine they'd be watching, deeply disappointed if I couldn't find the strength to live a life they had taken away from them."

Peeta. So beautiful with his words. So extraordinary with his ability to ease wounds with a simple sentence.

I lean back against him. Solid. Warm He is the rock and I am the water that keeps slipping away.

I look up into those deep blue eyes and I have never hated myself more for being the reason he cannot sleep, his hands shake or he needs constant reassurances of reality.

He looks down at me with his warmth and faith and as our eyes catch he moves closer, aiming for my lips.

"I think I'm going to bed," I whisper before his lips make contact.

He immediately pulls away and the warmth is wrenched away with him.

"Of course. Good night Katniss,"

He moves away swiftly before I can call him back and apologise. Before I can tell him that I only push because I feel so undeserving of his light, and his love. He leaves before I can apologise for being a constant monumental disappointment to him.

I look up at the stars again. Praying they aren't really watching me mess up a life they died giving me.

I'm awoken the next morning not by the usual smell of Peeta's cooking but the absence of it.

He has not come over this morning to cook me breakfast. He has not come to see if I made it through the night ok and I'm disgusted with myself that I feel so betrayed by him.

"Get yourself together Katniss," I hiss. "Haven't you got enough to feel guilty about?"

I forced myself out of bed and stumble into the shower, just sitting on the tiles and letting the water wash over my skin, imagining that with every drop I am being cleansed of past indiscretions and crimes.

I think I could sit here for the rest of eternity and never be clean.

"You drunk or just wasting the hot water?"

I shriek and work to cover myself as Haymitch stares at me lazily through his haze of alcohol.

"Haymitch! Get out!" I scream.

"If YOU had about ten minutes ago I wouldn't have had to come up here and give myself nightmares looking at the animated carcass that is your body."

I stare at him defiantly, hurt by his words. I uncover myself and turn to face him full on.

"Take a good look," I hiss. "I'm just the female version of you."

He smirks at me and takes a swig of the bottle he's carrying. "Good to see you still have some fight sweetheart."

"Go pass out somewhere that's not here," I snap as I gingerly pat myself down, my skin still sensitive after six months of treatments and therapy.

"I just thought I'd let you know the train is about to arrive."

He must sense that I'm about to go for his throat because he quickly adds.

"Thought you'd want a heads up about who's arriving today,"

That freezes me in my tracks. "My mother?"

He actually looks at me with pity and my rage comes back ten fold. "Not her."

"Well who then?" I snap.

He smirks again. "You'll have to come and find out…might want to put on some clothes first though."

Drunk, old and broken he is still able to duck the hair brush I throw at him as he shuffles out of the bathroom.

If it's not my mother returning there can only be one person Haymitch would ever give me a heads up about. The knowledge brings me crashing back down onto the floor and I'm shaking all over.

"Katniss!"

Not right now. Not like this. Please just be another voice in my head.

"God Katniss what have you done?"

Familiar warm arms wrap around me and I'm carried to the bed as if I weigh nothing more than a feather.

"You're here," I whisper.

Peeta looks down at me impatiently. "Of course I am, aren't I always?"

"But this morning…"

He brushes my words away. "I was in town helping with the bakery, the more hands the quicker I can have it up and running."

He looks down at me sadly. "I didn't think you'd notice I was gone."

That's how little he thinks of me. Just some girl that sends him away whenever he gets too close for comfort then is too self absorbed to notice when he reappears.

"I should get dressed," I say turning away from him, effectively shutting him out again.

This time he doesn't rush away as he has the past few months.

"You can push all you like Katniss and you can pretend all you like that this is nothing but I am not going anywhere and I'm never going to go anywhere. Lie to yourself all you like about your feelings but do me the respect of not lying to me."

He stares at me intently until I turn to meet his gaze. "Peeta, I'm ruined. Not broken. Don't you understand the difference? I can never be what you want."

"Katniss, you were all I ever wanted. Just you, the way you were. The truth is that I'm the one that can't be what you need and yet here I am, every day, every night fighting as hard as I did in the games, just not for my life this time, for ours."

He leaves me alone with this confession and I am so exhausted from this small conversation that I don't get up and dress as I should, I just lie in bed, curled into a ball wondering how the hell I was going to fix this mess this time.

Hours later I don't head to town to see who's arrived and the construction on the town but instead I move at a steady pace into the woods, walking at a brisk pace, determined to get myself as far away as I could from Peeta and his sad confessions, Haymitch and his drunk sneering, the train full of people and my emotional baggage that came with it.

It's not until I start to feel fatigued that I even slow my pace and look around me to get my bearings.

I'm at the little lake where my father showed me. I'm not even that far from the fence and I am exhausted. How weak I have become, how fragile.

I sit on a rock and let my feet dangle in the water for a moment before I'm reminded of my first games and I snatch them back immediately.

I hear a shuffle behind me and I'm on my feet immediately, knife in my hand facing a very tall, very handsome and very broken Gale.

He looks at me like I'm a stranger and then as if approaching a predator begins to edge towards me step by step.

This is not the happy reunion I imagined, this is not the boy who saved my life a million times over, this is not my best friend, this is an entirely new Gale.

One with weight on him, muscles, shorter hair, fancy uniform and eyes full of vacancy.

"Hi," I manage to croak.

"Katniss," he says coolly and then he turns and walks back the way he came, leaving me behind just as I left him.

I wait until he's out of sight before I allow the sobs to wrack my body.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am the girl on fire._

_In a world that has been reduced to ash._

_I am everyone's enemy._


	2. Chapter 2

KATNISS

The sun is setting when I can finally calm myself down.

My muscles are stiff from staying in the same position for hours, my eyes sting from constant tears and my heart aches from Gales cold dismissal. What was I even expecting? I have left Gale so many times, disappointed him and hurt him so many times that it seems selfish of me to expect anything less than rage.

So why was I this upset? We've certainly had bigger and more brutal confrontations than this.

I ponder this for awhile but I already know the answer.

It's because there was no rage in his eyes or voice, just cool indifference. Gale it seems, does not even care enough about me to hate me. I am just a nuisance. A silly girl. A nobody.  
>I am the leader of the rebellion that no longer exists which pretty much makes me useless.<p>

Sitting by this lake with my father's ghost looming over me and all my memories with Gale haunting me I begin to choke and suffocate on the sadness.

I can't stay here looking for the dead and hiding from the living.

I push myself to my feet and just run. I'm not quiet about it. I'm not careful, in fact I'm not even watching where I'm going so it's not until I trip over a log and twist my ankle that I realize anything was in my way.

I lie face down in the dirt, mud and leaves squished into my face.

I don't even have the energy to get up.

"Enjoying a mud mask?"

The voice startles me. Peeta. The boy who could scare game 3 districts away, has managed to sneak up on me.

"Well, my skin could use all the help it can get,"

I remain motionless, covered in filth and sweat, unable or unwilling to get up. I glance over at Peeta who's watching me intently and I'm frightened for a moment he might try to pull me in for an embrace or carry me home like a defenseless kitten.

He does neither. Instead he just settles himself in the dirt beside me.

"So I noticed a few familiar faces today,"

The comment is innocent, casual and off hand but the meaning behind it is very clear.

"I didn't stick around for the meet and greets," I say stiffly.

He turns away but I notice his jaw tightens.

I imagine he's quite sick of this little game of cat and mouse we play, me the mouse forever out of reach. I don't blame him; I've never been one for games.

"Look, Peeta…"

"Katniss, just don't ok?"

I meet his gaze directly. "Do what?"

He opens his mouth and then shuts it abruptly with a shake of his head. "I thought it was getting better between us, I thought that maybe I'd proven myself enough to you to warrant a little bit of credit. I'm not going to break just because you let me into your life Katniss, I'm not going to break because you let me a little closer."

He gets up and steadily walks away leaving me alone with my filth and shame.

"You may not break," I whisper. "But I will."

"Are you coming?"

I look up surprised to find Peeta hasn't left me after all.

"I thought you left,"

He sighs. "Katniss, when have I ever been able to leave you?"

Never. That's when, at least not willingly. It strikes me that this once broken boy, who wanted to rip my throat out at one point is the only person that has never left me. That is still standing by me despite all I have done and all I have become.

I look into those deep blue eyes and I have been never more certain of how unworthy I am of him.

"Katniss, it's getting cold and I can tell by the way you're sitting that you've hurt yourself so am I going to have to carry you or are you going to pretend you have no idea what I'm talking about and limp home with me?"

I get up defiantly and then work hard to keep the pain from my face. Truth be told, a sprained ankle is childs play to what I've been through.

"I didn't hurt myself,"

He smiles triumphantly. "Oh my mistake then,"

I reward him with a little smile of my own and then get back to focusing on keeping up with his long strides and pushing past the pain.

He glances at me and then slows his pace.

I'm about to protest that he doesn't need to baby me and I'm fine but again he surprises me.

"I'm really sorry Katniss, my leg is giving me some trouble would you mind terribly if we just walked a little slower?"

This gesture of protecting my pride whilst looking out for my injury almost has me wrapping my arms around him to say thank you. Almost has me wanting to let my guard down.

But I don't. I never do because the difference between Peeta and I is that while the capitol tried to destroy him and his future, I only need myself to destroy my own.

We walk the rest of the way in silence, but for once it's peaceful one.  
>***<p>

It's a different atmosphere tonight. As we draw nearer to the town the air of loss is almost gone and with it a flickering hope has been ignited. There are laughing children running through the streets, couples are holding hands and there's a cheerful chatter everywhere.

"It's like a new District," I say.

Peeta shrugs. "Isn't it?"

I look around the town with some buildings only barely being finished, and construction going on everywhere. There's no Justice Building anymore, instead there's a War Memorial that has been meticulously constructed ready for public viewing in a matter of days. I haven't had the heart to even walk to the steps yet. I doubt I ever will, after all, if I wanted to relive the past I'd just go to sleep.

"Star crossed lovers come to parade your love through the streets?"

I roll my eyes. "Fall into a ditch Haymitch,"

"Looks like you already have."

I look down at my filthy clothes with tears through my pants, I imagine my face looks a hell of a lot worse.

"You," he jabs Peeta in the chest. "Why didn't you tell her she looks like an ugly beast that's gone mud wrestling,"

"She looks good to me," he says calmly

Haymitch groans. "I'm not drunk enough for this,"

"Taverns that way," I say bluntly, pointing in the opposite direction.

"I'm aware of that sweetheart, just thought I'd come warn you first,"

"Warn me of what?"

As if to answer my question Gale and a group of his old mining friends come heading out way, laughing and carrying about.

Instantly I'm aware of how I look; of how Peeta with his dirty pants must look next to me.

"Bet you're regretting not getting more respectable now huh?"

I stand tall. "I have nothing to hide,"

At that moment Gale looks over, sees me and Peeta and then very obviously turns and stalks the other way.

"Looks like he does," Haymitch muses.

Rage boils inside me.

"Excuse me," I say tersely and then half limp, half jog after Gale.

"So you're just going to pretend I don't exist?" I yell as I get closer to him.

He stops walking and turns to me, his face void of emotion.

"On the contrary Miss Everdeen, I'm in the position where its impossible for me to forget you exist."

Miss Everdeen? I feel like he's stabbed me.

"I don't understand why you're being this way," I say quietly.

"Of course not. You're not very experienced in broken hearts; just breaking them."

I step closer and give him one hard shove.

"My father died in a mine, I watched innocent children hack each other to death, some I cared about. People I love have died saving me, my scars that mar my body are a permanent reminder that I couldn't save my sister. My mother is trying to forget me and I spend every day wondering why the hell I'm here and they aren't, so don't you dare talk to me about a broken heart. What you have is a bruised ego _Mister Hawthorne_ and it's high time you got over it!"

I do my best to minimize my limp as I stalk away not even giving him a chance to reply.

PEETA

As I watch Katniss stride away, pain in her eyes and stance my hands curl into fists and not because a capitol enhanced vision takes me.

I glance at Haymitch smirking at me. "Hey don't let me stop you, you got that whole white knight reputation to keep up with."

I hit his shoulder half heartedly. "And you've got that sad, bitter, drunken loner thing to get back to,"

Haymitch barks out a laugh. "Still a fighter huh?"

I smile at him and then turn away and start off at a jog.

He's exactly where Katniss has left him. Just standing still around the corner, looking at the ground.

"So, you come back to torment her?"

He turns to me and there's an emptiness in his eyes that stops me from throwing my fist at him.

"I came back because I was ordered to be here, to officially open the War Memorial. Believe me baker, this is the last place I want to be."

"Then how about you get it opened and then you get out,"

He raises his eye brows at me. "What's this? Baker boy got a back bone finally?"

"Just leave her alone," I say bluntly. "She's been through enough."

He grins at me. "Or what? You going to make me?"

I size him up. He's got a lot more fat, more muscle on him than the last time I saw him, he's also got a lot more closed off, bitter. He's changed a lot but I don't for one second believe that I couldn't take him. Not when it comes to Katniss.

"I'm hoping it won't have to get that far."

He whistles. "District twelve's star crossed lovers, finally functioning without the camera's. Tell me, is it everything you dreamed?"

He steps closer and the smell of rum is so over powering it takes all my will power not to step back.

"Does she still make your heart flutter?"

He lowers his voice to a whisper. "Does she satisfy you on those cold lonely nights like you'd always fantasized about or is she too broken to even be able to do that much?"

Bam. My fist makes contact with his face before I can even register how much rage I'm feeling.

His head kicks back and he stumbles to his knees.

"I didn't mean that," he mutters. "I shouldn't have said that,"

I look down at him and all I feel is pity. He's been dragged back to a grave yard to face the girl that got away, would I really fare any better?

"She loves you," I say and the omission nearly kills me.

"No she doesn't," he says sadly. "Any feelings died with her sister."

"It doesn't have to be this way," I say and move forward to help him up.

He smacks my hand away. "Of course it does. How can you be the hero if I'm not the bad guy?"

He walks briskly away leaving me in the dark with his little confession and life time of guilt.


End file.
